Not Having a Strong Professional Image

Fourth in the Roadblock to Success series.

Part one: Black Women On Television

Part two:  Who’s Holding Your Ladder

Part three:  Where’d You Get Those Shoes?

Is your professional image what it should be or what it needs to be?  Another way to ask this is, how do others view you really? Are you perceived the way you think you are? More importantly, are you perceived the way you want to be?

Your image is more than how you look.  Your professional image is about your work and management style and attitude.  And style and attitude are about energy.  A significant part of your image – how people – in this case, your peers, colleagues and executive leadership view you, how they regard or consider you, has to do with the level and quality of energy you consistently display.

The graphic to your left illustrates how our facial expressions communicate your attitude and energy level.

Here are some self-awareness questions:

• How are you showing up? What attitude and emotion do you display most often?
• Are your frowns of intense concentration misinterpreted as anger?

• Which of the faces in the illustration would best represent your daily attitude and enthusiasm on average?
• Which of the faces in the illustration would best represent you during high pressure periods?
• Do you bring high positive and constructive energy to what you do? Or a low level of energy that suggests low enthusiasm and disinterest for what you do?
• Are you respected on your team and within your organization or just tolerated?
• Are you conscious of your emotional energy at work, particularly when interacting with others?    Why is this important?  Because people can feel your energy.  Your energy precedes you.  That pop culture colloquialism “I feel you” is not just a flippant phrase.  It’s science.  Your energy signature precedes you and shows up in everything you do including how you dress. Your energy level presents itself in your voice, your communication style and your facial expressions and body language.
• What is your communication style? Is it direct or indirect?
• Do you speak clearly, or are people constantly asking you to repeat yourself?
• Do you respond to questions with clear and concise answers or do people have to unpack your response?

There are essentially 4 communication styles and depending on the source or assessment tool, they have different labels: Direct, Indirect, Open and Closed.

In an article Black Women @ Work in the November 2014 issue of Essence Magazine , writer Tanisha Sykes discusses four basic communication styles – with clever labels – that are present in the work place:  The Isolated Achiever, the Dutiful Conversationalist, the Safe Communicator and the Expressive Connector.

Not sure what your communication style is, take a communication style assessment to assist you in figuring it out.  Not only is it important to know what your dominant communication style is, you need to know and understand the communication style of those you work with most closely, including direct reports, colleagues and executive leadership.

If you are a team leader, supervisor or manager, how do you regard those on your team?  Do they work for you or work with you?  This is not merely semantics.  There is a difference and the truth of your attitude towards the people on your team makes a big difference in how you are perceived.

Every one of these dynamics plays a part in how you are perceived and why you are taken seriously or not.

If you haven’t already, get a handle on how others really view you.  A 360 assessment is invaluable feedback for this. If your organization does not provide 360 evaluations, work with an executive coach to coordinate and facilitate one for you. It is well worth the investment.

Also get a better understanding of your energy and your attitude so that you can be in better control of your image and its impact on your career trajectory.  (I begin work with all of my clients with an Energy Leadership assessment.  This helps them better understand the type of energy they display under normal circumstances as well as under stress. It is invaluable for making conscious choices about how to respond to the myriad situations they encounter.)

In the final analysis, while ultimately you cannot control what others think about you, you can control how you show up.  How you show up can greatly influence how you are perceived.  As the authors of the Little Black Book of Success note, “what people perceive is what they usually believe”.

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When Your Personal Style Is A Professional Distraction

Third in a series.

From the start let me just establish that I am not advising or suggesting you change your personal style.   However, in the course of exploring and examining what could be keeping professional women of color from being taken seriously, in discussion, some women have offered that they were engaged in conversation around their style preferences more often than the projects they were leading or participating in.

Their knowledge and expertise were dismissed when it came to the work, but sought after when it came to fashion and shopping.

How do you manage those incidents without being rude?  Acknowledge the compliment then immediately turn the conversation to the real subject; why everyone got out of bed that morning and convened at this place called the office.  Keep the conversation focused on the work.

However, if you find your fashion sensibility constantly the topic of discussion, consider whether your personal style is a distraction in the environment in which you work.  More importantly, is it impeding management’s ability to really see your capabilities?

If colleagues and key stake holders are paying more attention to what you are wearing rather than what you are doing, perhaps it is time to take a personal brand and image audit.  It may not seem fair, but you have probably figured out already that very little in life is. 

Here are some self-auditing questions that can assist you in determining whether your style is a distraction in the office.

What do you want your everyday look to say about you?

What is the dress code in your place of employment?

• Most companies today have adopted a business casual dress code.  If you are not sure how business casual is defined where you work, consult the employee manual or check in with HR.  There are also countless resources online to help you unravel this.
• Pay attention to how the managers and directors and executive leadership dress.  This is particularly important if you aspire to any of those levels.

On any given day, where do you look like you are going?

• Work
• On a date
• The club
• Hanging out with friends
• The Health club
• Set of a reality TV show
• Fashion shoot

How often does someone comment on what you are wearing?

What are the comments about?

Do you consider yourself fashion forward? Are you up on and wear the latest fashions and hottest designers?  That’s fine, but does that make you stand out from your peers?  If it does, it probably is not a good thing.  Why?  People speculate and make judgments all the time about how other people spend their money.

Do you brag about your shopping exploits? Nothing helps make your personal style a distraction than this.

Do you have a new pair of shoes or two every week? While it may not be anybody’s business, it tells people what your focus is.  Again, it may not be fair, but that’s the reality.  How’s this for unconscious bias: “if we promote her she’s only going to buy more shoes.”

Do your clothes fit properly? Nothing sends a bad impression more than clothes that are too tight, too short, or cut too low.  It begs the question what type of attention are you vying for?

Is your color palette visible from two blocks away?  Loud colors and prints are not only distracting, but are irritants to the eyes with prolonged exposure. Wear them in moderation or balanced with darker or muted colors. Read up on the science of colors and what they communicate.

If you work in an environment that does not have a dress code, please do not suspend common sense.  It is still a place of business.  I dedicate an entire chapter to dressing for success – or not – in my book, The Young Professional’s Handbook.

There are any number of potential roadblocks to success for women of color.  Your style being a distraction is an easily removed one.  Don’t let your personal style become a professional distraction.  Get noticed for the things that can make a difference in your career trajectory.

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 In a recent survey of professional women of color about the work place challenges they encounter,  two factors bubbled up as barriers to their continued success:

1. Encountering stereotypes
2. Not being taken seriously

Well over half (60%) of respondents indicated that dealing with negative stereotypes was the primary challenge for them. The surprise was not that women of color encounter stereotypes,  but that of nine challenges listed, stereotypes were so prevalent at all levels of accomplishment from manager to senior director, as well as women with PHDs.

In a follow-up group discussion, respondents shared their experiences and the types of stereotypes they deal with on a consistent basis and the impact on their performance and careers.  To be clear, the stereotypes can be either gender or racially based or both.  They include experiences from trying to talk “black” (whatever that is), to having low expectations of intelligence and capability.

Frustration and disappointment are the most common reactions women of color experience with the on-going occurrence of such incidents.   Even companies that have diversity and inclusion programs in place have not provided women employees of color with strategies and tools to help them effectively manage what author and diversity and inclusion expert Stephen Young* calls microinequities.

As a result, some women have opted to leave good positions with reputable companies rather than seek out help and support.  It is more often cited as the primary reason that women of color leave corporate America and strike out on their own.  And it has resulted in an explosive growth of women-owned businesses.

What challenges are you facing where you work?  Are you constantly looking for ways to be taken more seriously by your management and peers?  Could stereotypes and unconscious biases be roadblocks to your success?

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It seems like a simple enough question with either yes or no for an answer.  However, it’s a little more complex than that.  If you answered yes you are prepared, the next logical question is: how have you prepared and have you prepared effectively?

How are you prepared to take on your next goal or task?  Are you prepared for the next opportunity that presents itself?  Your PQ is an indication of how serious you are about your goals and accomplishing them.

Whether you are employed in the private or public sector or own a business, your level of preparation can have a significant impact on your success.

There are at least 4 levels of preparation.  Which level of preparation do you employ most often?

Here are scenarios and questions where your level of preparation can make the margin of difference in your career or business:

1.   An opportunity for a new position is presented to you.

• How quickly could you react and respond and be ready to ace the first round interview?
• Is your resume up to date reflecting important accomplishments?
• Do you know what your core strength is and how you contribute to a team?
• Do you know your management, communication and leadership styles?

If you are just beginning your career path, the answers to these questions are still forming.  However, if you are a seasoned professional, these are answers you should be able to respond to without hesitation.

2.  There’s an important meeting coming up which you are invited to participate or tasked   to lead.

What are the first steps you should take to be prepared to effectively participate and/or lead?  Do you know:

•  The purpose of the meeting and the desired outcome
• The meeting agenda
• Meeting invitees, their respective roles within the organization and on the project at hand
• Your role in the meeting if you are not the leader
• Are there documents that should be reviewed in advance and if so, how far in advance of  the meeting will the documents be published?

3.  You own a business and the opportunity to bid on a contract that seems tailor-made for your company is presented to you.

Your level of preparation is your margin of difference

• Do you have a pre-selected and vetted team of professionals you can call on to assist in the development of the response to the RFP?
•  Do you have responses to standard questions about your company already prepared?
• Do you have case studies that you can present or discuss that illustrate your company’s capabilities?

While thorough preparation may not always be possible, no preparation at all is not a formula for success.  How well you prepare is a huge part of how you will be perceived in your professional environment and professional circles.  It also signals to others how serious you are about the task at hand.

Preparation leads to excellence which leads to effectiveness.  All three are habits that should be developed and baked into the DNA of your personal brand.

Based on your goals and what it is you say you want, what are you prepared for and how have you prepared for it?  Take some time to consider this and adjust accordingly.

In the meantime, remember, life is about choices.  What will you choose for you today?

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Women wear many hats and fulfill many roles.  It is not uncommon for women to operate in several roles simultaneously.  Very often all that women do happens at the expense of our well being.

One of the key things busy women have to remember to do, says my friend Michelle Gourdine, M.D. is take care of ourselves.  The key to our well being said Dr. Gourdine, is taking care of our spirit.  It is crucial to preventing disease states that plague Black women disproportionately.

Frankly, I didn’t understand the linkage here at first.  If taking care of our spirit is critical to our overall health and well-being, then how is it that Black women, who attend church more than any other group of people, can be so impacted by life-threatening diseases.

“Square that for me Dr. Michelle”, I said.

“Stress”, she said, “is the culprit.”   Then we both had an Aha! moment.  Taking care of your spirit is more than just going to church and having a strong faith.

In her book, “Reclaiming Our Health”, Dr. Michelle notes “Intermittent stress is normal and generally not harmful.  The stress response allows us to fight off or escape from other emergencies requiring quick action.”

“For some people, however, stress is more than an occasional response to a random threat – it is a way of life.  Their daily lives generate a constant stream of anxiety that never allows the stress response to shut off.”

As it turns out, your body can’t tell the difference between an immediate short-term danger and a long-term habit of burning both ends of the candle.  As women, particularly busy and over-committed women, our stress button can be stuck in the on position

Stress is catabolic energy, meaning over the long term, it is destructive.  The affects of an always-on stress button are the constant flow of the hormones cortisol and adrenaline into the body which can lead to high blood pressure, high blood sugar and a weakened immune system. And the other thing none of us want – premature aging.

When my clients take the YOU 3.0 Energy Leadership assessment, (an assessment that objectively indicates a person’s anabolic and catabolic energy profile) it is not uncommon for the results to indicate a tremendous amount of stress in their lives.

Here are 4 things you can do to take care of your spirit*:

1. Take time for yourself.  You must take time to recharge and rejuvenate. You can’t do a good job of taking care of others if your tank is empty.  Create stress busters – mini quiet breaks that let your mind rest.  Also, take your vacation.  Whether you work for a company or for yourself, there is almost never a good time to take vacation.  Plan it, plan for it, and take it. 

1. 2. Just Say No!!  How often do you find yourself over extended with too much on your plate?  Don’t commit to more than you can reasonably do excellently.  Just as important is not feeling guilty about saying no.  Protect your time and your sanity by setting personal boundaries.  For example: do not answer e-mails while on vacation and don’t answer the phone during family time.  This will seem impossible at first, but once you set boundaries and train would-be offenders, this is not as difficult as it sounds.

3. Ask for help.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.  We all need help at one point or another.  Seek out a listening non-judgmental ear from a pastor or close friend or a professional coach.  If you think your situation is more urgent, do not hesitate to seek advice and counsel from a mental health professional such as a counselor or therapist.  There is no need to go it alone.

4. Walk.  Not only will walking help clear your head, this form of exercise is one of the best ways to counter the effects of stress hormone levels.

*Source: Adapted from Reclaiming Our Health, A Guide to African American Wellness: Three Steps to Detoxifying Your Life; Michelle A. Gourdine, M.D.

So ladies, as you plot and plan how to take over the world, schedule some time for yourself in that busy calendar.  There is no one more important to you in your world than you.  Take the time to take good care of your spirit.

Drop me a note to learn more about your stress profile and develop strategies to better manage the situations that trigger your stress.

Remember, life is about choices.  What will you choose for you today?

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Feeling 25 Years of Growth in 20 minutes

It was an inspiring 20 minutes, the time spent with Ms. Oprah and colleagues recently on a beautiful afternoon in New York.

Having just raced from the airport to get to the meet and greet on time, I was hoping I wasn’t looking as harried as I was feeling.   We were gathered in a small room in the Time Warner center after watching the rehearsal for the OWN up front presentation scheduled to take place that evening.

Dressed casually in jeans and a white shirt, Oprah was gracious and welcoming to our group. She wanted to say thank you in person for helping her realize what she believes is her life’s purpose; encourage and inspire people to live the lives they truly desire.

This was the fourth time I had the opportunity to meet Ms. O, but the first time spending as much time with her.  The first time was 25 years ago at the NATPE television program conference when her show was in the early years of syndication.  The Oprah Show was the hottest happening in syndicated programming that year.  Local television stations that didn’t start out believers were lined up to sign up.  The people, specifically women, had spoken and the little black girl from Mississippi had ignited daytime television.  Oprah was making her mark.  Daytime television would never be the same and hasn’t been the same since she left the day part in 2011.

Back then she was wide eyed and gregarious.  High levels of energy and excitement preceded and followed her where ever she went.

She exudes a different type of energy and excitement today.  It is the energy of an accomplished woman who is quite comfortable in her skin and with the place she has arrived in her life.  She has worked long and hard to get there. No longer a syndicated television host she is now the CEO of  a network that bears her initials.  And for the past 14 years, she has also graced the cover of a magazine that bears her name.

The excitement that surrounds her now is the anticipation of a poignant Aha! moment that might be shared from one of the many teacher guests she engages in conversation on her network.  The excitement is what could happen if we embrace our potential and the possibility that we can live the life we want.

Watching and listening to her that afternoon was illustrative of what it is like to be settled into and living one’s purpose.  What it is like to have achieved more than you thought imaginable, which in turn gives you the courage to imagine and accomplish even more.  This is what I felt in her presence this time.

“My gift”, Oprah said, “is my ability to connect with people.”  Her newest project has her very excited in a calm sort of way.  It is the prospect of connecting with her audience in person in different cities and inspiring them to live “The Life You Want”.  She’s never quite done it like this before and she can’t wait, she says.

From the little black girl from Mississippi to the little black girl from the Bronx, it was a powerful, inspiring and affirming 20 minutes.

Its time for you and me to bring our imaginings to life!

Believe and live forward.

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  How You Think Makes A Difference

The type of thinker you are and the quality of your thinking – or more to the point – the quality of your thoughts, can make all the difference in the quality of your life and experience.

What type of thinker are you?  What types of thoughts dominate your perspective and therefore your experience?

Are you consumed by what you don’t have and think of your dreams and goals as something that would be great to have if the stars and planets align?   Or do you see the possibility of opportunities everywhere?

Good thinking is a habit, notes John Maxwell in Thinking For A Change.  Like all habits, good thinking is ours to develop and nurture and use effectively.  “If people can keep growing in their thinking, they will constantly outgrow what they’re doing.  And their potential will always be off the charts.”

One form of good thinking is big picture thinking.  Big picture thinkers are infinitely curious and perpetual students.    Big picture thinkers are always open to new information and new perspectives.  This helps them connect the dots on the big board as it were; see dots and how the dots connect that others don’t see.

Big picture thinking is a skill – and a gift – that is acquired from keen observation and very intentional listening over time.   Big picture thinkers are willing and able to look outside of themselves and see things from another perspective, another point of view.  In fact, they consider as many perspectives or angles as possible.   It is considering an issue from various perspectives that forms the bigger picture, informs better understanding and leads to better decisions and stronger leadership.

Whether your goal is a promotion, better job performance or a change of careers, big picture thinking can help you see more possibilities and perhaps more and better ways to reach your goal.

Are you a big picture thinker?  What type of thinker are you?  Is your thinking leading you to where you want to go?

Work with a Certified Professional Coach and learn what your default thought process is and how your thinking is impacting the quality of your decisions and your life.

Sign up for the YOU 3.0 assessment.  For an investment in yourself of just $250,  you will receive an objective assessment of your thinking profile and a one hour debrief session that will help you better understand how your thinking is impacting your life.

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Actually more like stuck in my head and my story.  After a series of incidents and disappointments that I knew better not to take personally, I did anyway.  People cancelled appointments at the last minute and I began to have doubts about whether my coaching services were of any value.  I didn’t like how a planned blog post was turning out, so I walked around with a draft of the first paragraph for two weeks.

In addition, I had a lot on my plate and at least half were things I needed to do but didn’t want to do.   I started experiencing bouts of procrastination that were epic.  On a flight back from one of my three trips to LA, instead of writing as I usually do, I listened to a book – for the entire 3 ½ hour flight.  When the weekend arrived, I did the same thing.  I even skipped the gym and doing the laundry.

I rarely experience periods like this, and when I do I usually push through it. It is, after all, what I would coach my clients to do.  But I didn’t feel like pushing through it this time.  I decided to wait it out.  I figured it couldn’t last that long. Besides, to be honest, it was kind of fun – being a little care free.   Then I looked at the last date of a YOU 3.0 post, one thing I look forward to doing every week.  It’s been almost a month. YIKES!

It started to dawn on me that I was about to make things more difficult for myself.  The things on my plate that I needed to do but didn’t want to do weren’t going anywhere.  I had to figure out how to turn them into things I really wanted to do.

How could I do that?  I considered the cost to my reputation for not fulfilling an obligation. YIKES!!

The other thing I did was think about what did I have to look forward to?  Looking at my calendar, I realized that next week I will attend Black Enterprise Magazine’s Women of Power Summit.  This is my favorite conference; I think it’s one of the best.

This year, Cicely Tyson and Myrlie Evers will be honored. The agenda is packed with powerful speakers and sessions, as usual.  I can’t wait. Last year I met the real Olivia Pope, Judy Smith, the living definition of a phenomenal woman.   The location of the Women of Power summit doesn’t hurt either. Boca Raton, Florida.  Nothing like a few days of sunshine and temperatures considerably higher than freezing.  This Chicago winter has been absolutely brutal.

Finally, I had to ask myself, “Deborah, what type of thinking are you using and is your thinking leading to your goal?”

The answers were small picture thinking and no.  That was enough to snap me out of it, especially since my planned posts were on the types of thinking successful people use.  Also, because I know that what you think about you bring about.

Rut time is over!  I’m back on point now and on my mission.

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Not Having An Adequate Support System

Being self sufficient and self reliant can work against women in particular in some corporate environments.   What do I mean by that?

In particular, it is not uncommon for African American women to have been raised to be self-sufficient, self-reliant and independent.  Asking for help is not something that occurs easily, although we are quick to provide help when asked and even if we aren’t.    Mostly, we will try and pray our way through a situation.  However, when we find ourselves between a rock and hard place,  usually by that time we’re looking for an exit.

In stead of looking for an exit, consider this:  What does your support system look like?  Who’s holding your ladder?  Who have you selected to be part of your inner circle, professionally and personally?

In his book, “Who’s Holding Your Ladder?“, Dr. Samuel Chand, a ministry leadership coach, recounts an experience he had that led to a poignant aha moment while waiting for an appointment.

He tells the story of observing a workman painting a building while waiting in a pastor’s study to be introduced for a speaking engagement.  As he watched the man work, he noticed that he could not go up any further and could not stretch his arms any further to the left or right.  He couldn’t see down to the street and so he wondered out loud, who is holding this workman’s ladder?

It occurred to Dr. Chand in that moment, that the workman would not and could not go any further than he was comfortable climbing or reaching.  He did have room to go higher – to the top of the building on the ladder’s extension and he would have to do that in order to finish the job.

But the workman needed just one thing, Dr. Chand thought, to help him do that:  the workman had to have someone on the street level holding his ladder steady while he worked.    He had to have help.

Dr. Chand saw this as a metaphor for leaders in ministry. When I read and studied this story I saw it as a metaphor for effective leadership and successful living in our everyday personal and professional lives.

Who is in the inner circle that can lend you assistance with navigating those challenging situations in your career?  And just who and what are ladder holders anyway?

Ladder holders are:

Allies: Do you have allies or champions within your organization?  An ally is someone who you can bounce things off including ideas and not worry about it being misrepresented or your ideas showing up in somebody else’s work.

Champions: A champion is someone who respects your work, what you contribute to the organization and to the team.  They are in a position to champion your talents and contributions to key stakeholders. Help you gain the right visibility that can lead to better career building projects and assignments.  Champions are like sponsors in some ways, but like all relationships, it is a relationship that is earned

Mentors: Have you sought out a mentor?  No, it is not the easiest task you will ever have, but it is one worth undertaking.  Identifying a mentor should be an intentional and strategic undertaking.  Mentors are not just for people just starting out.  As your career evolves, as situations and marketplaces change, having a mentor or mentors is crucial.  A mentor should be someone who has navigated some terrain already.  However, their job is not to hold your hand, but to provide insight, and guidance.  Most people who would be great mentors don’t have time to be a mentor.  Their plates are full and their calendars even fuller.  Therefore, your responsibility as a mentee is to be open, honest and a good listener. Your job as a mentee is to be clear about your goals, your challenges

Truthteller: In your personal life, do you have at least one truth-teller.  Someone who you respect and who respects you that will tell you the truth no matter what because they respect you.

It’s good to have girlfriends and relatives that think you are fabulous. We all need those. But everybody has to have at least one person that will call you out or hold you accountable. I’m not talking about judgmental criticism.  I’m talking about honest objective truth-telling because they love and respect you and are willing to risk you being angry with them over it.

Assignment # 1:

Make a list of your current ladder holders and consider them for a moment.  If you are a manager or team leader, do you have the right skill mix on your team? Do you know what the right skill mix is that you need?

In your personal life, also consider who your ladder holders are.  Should they be asked to manage the responsibility of holding your ladder steady?  Perhaps they have too much on their plate with their own careers and lives already.

Assignment #2:

Make a list of what type of people should be a part of your ladder holding team. Be honest.  Just because you love them doesn’t mean they should be holding your ladder.  They can have another important role in your life.

How do you select ladder holders?  Begin with understanding what your guiding principles are.  Your ladder holders, whether professional or personal, should align with the most important of those principles.

What does having a support system do for you?  It provides:

• Honest and objective feedback
• Guidance and counsel
• Strengthened confidence
• Exposure of capabilities to stakeholders
• Increased opportunities

At the end of the day, all we want is a fair chance to demonstrate our ability.  Nothing more, nothing less.  So do everything within your power to give yourself a fair advantage.  Start with developing the support team you need instead of going it alone.

In her book, Sister Citizen, Melissa Harris-Perry talks about the consequences of self-reliance for Black women.  And the consequence is that Black women are less satisfied with their lives than any other group.  We need to change that.

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What could be scarier than that long protracted brutal winter that has finally cleared out of here?  Except Colorado it seems, where they just experienced more snow.

Just what is the scary season, you ask?  And what makes it scary?

Well, the scary season for me is summer and what makes it scary is how women dress for work when the temperature even threatens to approach 80. We’re just 48 hours past Memorial Day when it is fashionably okay to wear white and other summer fashions and we have already begun the trek down the slippery slope.

Here’s a short primer especially since the scary season of fashion is upon us and dresses are also very much en vogue:

1. Get right sized. Tight clothes are neither becoming nor healthy.
2. Minimize the cleavage.  I watched with horror recently as a morning news personality approached the camera with her bra and breast peeking through the v neck of her dress.  Probably made the camera man’s day, but they had to go to commercial rather quickly.
3. The right length.  A dress should be no more than one to two inches above the knee.  You know before you leave the store whether the dress is too short.  If you have to ask someone whether a dress is too short, you already know the answer.  Leave it there if it is.

Make sure your clothes fit well.  Just because a style is popular, doesn’t mean it’s appropriate. You might think me old school, but I promise you that if I showed you a video of you walking and sitting in your too short dress, not only will you understand immediately, but you will be horrified by what you see.

What’s more, if you knew what men really think and say about the too short dresses, too tight pants, see through tops, no bra tops that women wear, you would wish for the grand style of the 40’s if not the 1800’s.

I happened upon such a conversation last summer as some young men were commenting on the various stages of undress the young women in the office were exhibiting.  As it turned out, none of them found it attractive or appealing.  I was stunned so of course I had to ask why they didn’t find the shorts and see through tops attractive.  “They’re on display” said one.  They all basically agreed:  “if they are on display for everyone to see, they are not for me.”  Well alrighty then!

I am always amazed and amused at what people, especially young ladies think is appropriate attire in an office setting.  It’s why summer is the scary season for me.

Here are some other items that are never appropriate to wear to the office even if your company does not have a dress code:

• Short shorts (any kind of shorts actually, but leave the daisy dukes home please)
• Micro mini dresses or skirts
• Halter tops or dresses
• Sun dresses without a jacket or shrug
• Strapless dresses without a jacket or shrug
• Midriff tops
• Spaghetti strap tank tops
• Cami’s as street wear
• Pajamas (or looking like you slept in what you are wearing.)
• Leggings without a long top
• Flip flops

I list leggings here, but I have actually given up that fight.  It’s like pushing water up hill now.  (I’ve given up the fight on flip flops too.) My team has explicit instructions on what to do if I show up in the office wearing leggings:

Go get LJ who will then call my husband or my friend Betty because one of two things has happened; I’ve either had a total breakdown or I have quit – which, BTW is different from resigning.

Did I mention that because a style is popular doesn’t mean it’s appropriate?  Should I also mention that just because a style is sold in all sizes doesn’t mean all sizes should buy it?

This is not about old school vs. today.  It’s about how we present ourselves to the world.

Ultimately, how you present yourself tells people how you want to be treated and it is solely your responsibility.  Take that responsibility seriously and be intentional about it, whether its 32 º or 85º.

You can look professional and be comfortable this summer season.

Until next time,

Life is about choices.  What are you choosing for you today?

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